10th August 2017
“Can you look after Ethan Thursday afternoon please?” Came a request from my eldest son Damian. How could I refuse, he is a little darling.
In the morning, with the help of my youngest son Ryan, we carried a few more boxes to the cottage for storing.
As there were a couple of viewings of the rental in the afternoon, I was glad that I wasn’t going to be there. It was a good day, the sun was shining, and a great opportunity to drop the roof, and take a pleasant drive down to Bournemouth.
It was a good run, apart from the occasional old person dawdling along in their Nissan Micras. The barking growel of the Jag made short work of them.
Ethan hadn’t had his afternoon nap when I arrived, seeing his Granddad had given him a second wind. “Don’t worry, I take him for a stroll along the seafront, that should let him sleep”
I loaded him into his pushchair, and set off into the sun.
I began to notice that he wasn’t dropping off to sleep as I expected, instead he was getting a bit restless, and trying to wriggle out of the harness.
This is when I made the fateful decision to let him out of the chair. He had started to walk a month or so before, so for some reason I thought he would walk calmly beside me.
The moment his feet hit the pavement, he was off like a scalded cat, in every direction except the one we were going in. Realising my mistake, I rushed after him, scooping him up in my arms.
At this point his lungs exploded into a scream that would have made Hitchcock jump.
I carried this little noise generator back to his chair, and tried to sit him in it. At this stage he locked his body rigid, so I was unable the fix the harness. I was sweating like a pig, wrestling this flaying toddler, trying to bend him in the middle.
A swift punch to the tummy would have done the job, but it is not the thing to do to your grandchild, in case he remembers it, and reminds you about it for ever.
I relied on him taking a breath at some stage, which he did, and I quickly refitted the harness.
Ya! I punched the air in victory.
There was some time of grizzling, but soon all was quiet, so I continued on my walk.
On the way back, I stopped for a cup of tea, Ethan had woken by then, so I looked on the menu for something suitable for him to eat.
I decided on a gingerbread man, “How plain and simple was that?” I thought. Well this one came with chocolate buttons that quickly melted in the sun. Although most of the cake did go down the correct way, unlike the packet of crayons that was on the table when we arrived, the mess was limited, and easily cleaned with a wet wipe.
Heading back home, I had to climb a hill, which in itself was a challenge, I continued to sweat but managed to get to the top without having a heart attack. I imagined the headlines ” Pensioner lasts less than two weeks”
Modern pushchairs are a marvel of modern design, they turn in every direction except the one you want. The twenty-first century mother must have wrist muscles like an athlete. Getting through the front door required an extra hand which I did not have. Turn key, push door open, push the chair with the right hand, wheels want to go left, but can’t because of the door. Super power was required for the right hand to overcome physics. Eventually I was in, and released Ethan from his restraint.
Off he toddled, straight to a large potted plant, where he had great fun throwing the earth around the carpet. “Oh no where’s the hoover?” I called, but Ethan cannot talk yet. I desperately searched every cupboard, knowing that Ethan could be grinding the dirt deeper into the carpet. I did find it eventually, hidden behind a door??.
Pulling out the lead, I then went searching for a socket to plug into. Could I find one? Bloody no! Getting desperate, I was moving furniture around thinking this was a stunt. Soon the wall would lift and the studio audience would laugh and cheer, and my humiliation would be complete, but no, it wasn’t that simple.
I pulled a chair away and found a socket, I kissed the air, and cleaned up the mess, perfect, no one would know.
I settled down to rest, I was damp with perspiration, completely de-hydrated and glad that I survived.
Eventually Damian came back. “How was he today?” “Perfect” the word just left my lips automatically. ” You know anytime, just let me know” Ethan just looked at me, and smiled.
Another Lifetime to go 