8th November 2025
I had the most emotional video call with my friend Martin. The first words he said to me was “I’m dying mate” he looked like a defeated man slumped in his chair, his face twitching with pain.
This was not the Martin I knew, even in his worst moments he was all about fighting. What I saw on the screen was a shadow of his former self, and I was shocked.
He told me how the rest of his days would play out, he would lose all control being fed by tubes and in constant need of care, this he adamantly refused to accept. He talked about alternatives, if his spiritual beliefs would allow him to choose.
Always a difficult question, but quality of life is important, and to a person travelling down a dark tunnel towards the light with no hope of a return, they should be allowed to make that choice.
We talked for an hour, at times his voice cracked with emotion, he is not afraid, he worries about his wife Liz, but I reassured him that she is a strong person, she will be okay.
He had been close to death before, he used to talk about the white room, where someone would ask if he wanted to stay or return, that gives him calmness, he will go there again.
We both laughed at the story of the twenty foot bungee that he inadvertently left attached to his truck when we went to a fish and chip shop.
As we stopped in the car park and saw the bungee he said in a loud voice “ Oh no what’s happened to the dog” that entertained a few of the customers.
We both cried at the inevitable time we would have to say goodbye to each other. I told him that he was inspirational to me, all the things he had tackled despite his handicap. He built his house from a ruin, single handedly, there was nothing he couldn’t do.
And so as his voice weakened, and the pain was intolerable we ended our conversation, this is not the end, we will talk again.
I sat quiet for a moment, my red eyes stinging, the rest of the day beckoned.
I had to visit Henry to agree the materials he needed for next week, so I could start the trim out. I like Henry, being Spanish, and with a sense of humour, his misunderstanding of what I’m saying makes us both laugh.
I’m looking forward to doing the work.
The other crisis of the day was I was unable to draw out any cash from the machines, all my transactions were cancelled.
This was a shock, I had noticed that even trying to buy on Amazon was not possible, panic was setting in.
I was prepared to shout at my bank for maybe forgetting to tell me about any changes to the banking relationship between the UK and US.
However, everything was explained when I looked at my UK phone. They had contacted me by text to query some transactions that I needed to verify, and temporarily blocked my card.
Phew! That was a relief.
We did finish a dresser, a quick clean and polish and out.
Another Lifetime to go 