10th December 2025
It was a dark day in Holland, and this time it wasn’t the weather.
Dharma, our old girl, took her trip across the rainbow bridge, to become a memory.
She had some sort of turn last night, becoming shaky on her legs. This morning when I let her out into the garden she was slow, and unsteady.
When I had set out their food, and went to let them back in, Dharma had ventured further into the garden, but looked lost and confused as if she didn’t know where to go, she had to be carried back into the house. Although she ate her food, there were more things going on, especially her eyes.
Kelli noticed that they were twitching constantly, that was not normal, so she contacted the vet.
There were several possibilities, none of them good, so she made an appointment in the afternoon.
As the fateful time approached, we were joined by Cameron and Greer, the emotion was growing.
Greer, along with her ex husband Dylan, we drove to the vet. Dharma was panting continuously, her confused state was stressing for her.
We were led to a small room, the same one that we used last week. In that time since the last visit the mood had changed, gone was the hope for improvement, now we had to play god.
The vet checked her over and explained what she might be experiencing. She believed that everything was spinning in her head leading to her confusion.
We had time to discuss what should be done, a very difficult time and an awful decision to made.
A sedative was administered, Dharma slowly sank into a restful position, this was too much for Kelli and Greer, they both sobbed openly.
Both Dylan and myself felt the sadness and our eyes filled with tears.
When the final drug was injected there was no going back, as her heart slowed, the atmosphere in this small room was heavy, so many tears had been shed, I tried to hold it together, but when Kelli patted Dharma on the back she said “Night, night Dharma” I couldn’t take it any more, my eyes filled up, and my nose was blocked. I searched in my pockets for something to wipe my eyes and blow my nose, all I had was a piece of shop towel, very old and well used, but I didn’t care.
Damn emotion! That was it, we had played our part, we had helped her find final peace, but it didn’t feel good, time will heal us, Phoebe, will sense the difference, and we will move on.
The drive home was surreal, no words were spoken, maybe each of us had our own thoughts, that we didn’t want to share, but they will come out one day when we speak of her, remembering her character.
I will remember her sitting next to me on the sofa in the evening watching television, when the first wafts of her venting made my eyes sting, no sound other than a silent “phoot”.
As I sit here writing, I swear I can still smell it.
Goodbye Dharma, I’ll miss you.
Another Lifetime to go 