Author: peterb51

12th January 2019

If things could get any worse, they did this morning. All I had to do was re-align the drawer fronts on the issue prone table. I removed the zinc handles, removed the front panel from the drawer and reposition it so that it fitted in the recess perfectly. I then had to re-drill the through holes for handle. As I pushed the lugs of the handle into the holes and engaged the attachment screw, I began to tighten, suddenly the screw went loose, so I unscrewed it. The handle came away from panel and I could see that the lugs had snapped off.

That feeling of dread came over me, and believe me, thirty years at Herman Miller I knew that feeling well. Kelli was drying her hair at the time, so I crept up to the door ready to tell her what happened. The dogs were nowhere to be seen, so I couldn’t blame them, therefore I had to blurt it out. There was the sigh of exasperation, and the look that said “What are you going to do now?”

The look I returned was like “I don’t know” in a slightly pitiful tone.

The clock was ticking, we had to get the tables to Hudsonville to replace other tables that had sold.

I went through various scenarios in my head. I had to fix a handle to a drawer that had no fixings. The only solution was to drill holes in the handle from the front, and countersink them.

I pushed screws though the handle, and fixed it to the front with a nut. I then handed it to my brilliant wife who matched the colour of the handle perfectly. She was at pains to tell me that she had already mixed the colour to match the handle even before I gave it to her, which was an amazing co-incidence, or she had more mystical power than I gave her credit for. Anyway, disaster was averted, and we were able to deliver the pieces to the booth.

In the evening Cameron took us to a Speakeasy deep beneath Butch’s restaurant.

Entrance is gained using a special password. The first time we tried there was an hour wait, so we walked in the biting wind to a bar on the high street. No sooner had we sat down Cam got a text to say there was a table for us. So the drinks had to be swiftly dispatched. That was the point that Kelli started to giggle. We were escorted down stairs to the bowels of the building, then through a door into another experience. There was a bar where the tenders were shaking the cocktail makers. The lighting was low and atmospheric, the candle on the table barely let out any light, it must have had the expected usage of at least two years. I had to read out the menu purely using the reflected light from Kelli’s teeth. The waiter slid across to take our order. Cameron, who was a regular, took a whiskey, Kelli wanted something with chocolate in it. Off he went, bringing back something resembling watery mud, although it tasted better than any mud I’ve ever drunk before . I ordered some flavoured nuts, because the light was so dim, I had no idea what they really were. Some were clustered together, and I’m sure that if I saw them in daylight it would have scared the shit out of me.

As the effects of the watery mud continued to hit Kelli, the giggling grew in frequency and intensity. I had chosen Craft cider, the safest, less exotic of the drink selection, but it tasted like a sample you would give to a doctor, but it did improved the more I consumed.

11th January 2019

Kelli dropped me at Menards on her way to Aldi. I had some paint supplies to get, and the thought of food shopping was not high on my priority list. The arrangement was that I get my stuff and go to the Starbucks next door to wait. Walking into Menards is a little daunting, it is huge, a Cathedral to the handyman where everyone looks upwards for heavenly guidance, or just to read the signs which is what is needed to find things. I wondered around, with my neck locked in skyward facing position trying to get my bearings and miraculously found what I exactly what I needed.

Then came the interesting part, getting to Starbucks. It didn’t look far away, but as I walked it didn’t appear to get any closer. The roads went in all directions and appeared to be modelled on the theme-park system of everlasting queues.

I decided to take the scenic route across the snow covered grass. There were footprints leading across the snow so I thought I was safe. As I got to the middle of the grassy knoll, I heard a cracking sound underfoot. I slowed my progress convinced I was walking on ice. The cracking continued with every step. I kept following the footprints until they stopped at a large patch of ice, and I mean stopped, no footprints on it, or on the other side. I was a little scared, I didn’t know if there was a lake or a small pond here. So I remembered my “Boys own book of everything” I walked around the ice on tip-toes because the book suggested that I would be putting less weight on the ice. As this book was written in the forties when they knew nothing, I carried on. I must have looked like a ballerina prancing about. Fortunately I did not die, get sucked into a vortex or get a staring role in Swan Lake, but I made it to Starbucks.

Post script, when I read the book again, I should have laid flat on the ice to increase my surface area, but then I would have frozen to death, as the book suggested.

Progress on the side table top went much better. I attacked the problem with the most toxic materials known to man. It took many coats, and a lot of scraping until, through the haze of my contamination suit visor I could see the improvement in the finish.

As always there was the pressure to get them finished so they could be delivered to Hudsonville tomorrow.

Kelli Painted the hutch top in between me moving side tables about and getting into her way.

10th January 2019

What a bloody waste of a day!

I’m still working on the tops for these side tables. The finish on one was a bit blotchy and I wasn’t happy with it. So the first job was to sand off the finish and start again, taking care not to go too aggressive and sand through the veneer. This took for ages using different grades of sandpaper, but eventually I got an even finish, and set about applying the stain. This time the finish was stripy, I just couldn’t win. I waited until the top was dry, and took a scraper down one of the light strips, there was the crunchy sound of old varnish still present. So once again I sanded the top back, and left it.

My sister sent me a photo of a letter from South Gloucester council informing me that on the twentieth of November I strayed into a bus lane and therefore have to give them money for the pleasure.

Oh bloody joy!

I informed them of the bad day I was having, and on that date it was my birthday, and all they said was “many happy returns”

9th January 2019

I set about surveying the next door neighbour’s cupboard because I had to cut and fit four shelves. I had my square and adjustable square at the ready. I set out the dimensions on to the first shelf, but it didn’t make sense at first, then I realised that the back wall was not flat, so sending all my measurements out. I decided to make a template which was the smartest thing I had done all day. Once that was done the task was simple, and my neighbour was a happy man.

There was drama in the kitchen.

Kelli: loudly cursing in the kitchen as her enchiladas turn into a casserole because the corn tortillas refuse to stay together (despite being steamed, as per recipe directions)

I come into kitchen to survey the situation. “Anything I can do?”

Kelli: “pretend it’s good when it comes out of the oven, or call the doctor “

8th January 2019

Back in the garage, trying to get from one side to another. Everyone is fixated about walls, barriers or obstacles, except for me, I’ve had them for ages. It is like a game from the crystal maze, negotiating a safe passage through the building is taking your life in your hands. I have to make space for the new dresser, and short of finding a door to another dimension, I’m not sure how I can find more room.

I’ve been working on the new side tables we picked up on Sunday. I am now known as “Pete the scrape”, slightly better than “strip” which I will keep in reserve in case things get tight.

I managed to get some stain on one of the table tops, hopefully I can hand them on to Kelli tomorrow.

I went next door to see a neighbour who wanted some shelves fitted, guess word is out that I can wield a trusty saw.

We had some pictures sent to us from one of our regular customers showing the furniture she bought from us. It is really satisfying to see pieces that we worked on installed and used in people’s homes.

7th December 2019

We took the side tables to Hudsonville along with a load of other smaller things that Kelli had dug through at Goodwill. It was a dismal rainy day, that didn’t help that we were still in our weakened state.

Setting out the booth consisted of moving things around again, but as always we left happy with what we were able to achieve.

Whilst we were in the area we visited an antique store next door. What a experience that was. It was like stepping into Steptoes yard. As we walked around we felt dirtier and dirtier. There was tat of all descriptions, nothing co-ordinated, and everything a shambles, it was the complete opposite of Painted Farmgirl. When we left, it was still raining which was good as it washed away the remnants of the place.

Our next stop was to pick up another dresser, this time a “project piece” which is another name to a piece that needed a lot of work and the owner couldn’t be bothered to work on.

This had a couple of broken drawer fronts, but was pretty solid.

Oh! The bright pink bed frame was still outside, the only thing missing was the “For free” sign.

6th January 2019

We both dragged our weakened assess to the north side of town to look at two chairs Kelli saw on Marketplace. The post mentioned the legs were detached, hence the low price.

When we looked at them, one of them had been dropped, so the area where the leg fixed was missing. The other one also had a detached rear leg, repairable but not a quick job, so we passed on them. On the way back we stopped at Goodwill and found a pair of matching side tables that we hope to flip quickly.

In the afternoon we both crashed out at watched the last Star Wars film The last Jedi. This is rare that the TV gets switched on before nine in the evening, so we must need the extra rest.

My sister sent me a message to say that today would have been my dad’s 111th birthday, that stopped me in my tracks, our time moves so quickly.

5th January 2019

In the early hours of this morning Kelli got sick. There has been a bout of sickness going around the area over the Christmas holidays, but as we have been unsociable gits we thought it would pass us by, but unfortunately it looks like we’re done for. I seem okay at the moment, but often I “feel” symptoms of others and get ill in sympathy. It knocked the stuffing out of her for a few hours, but like the fighter she is, soon the Marketplace pages were being scoured for bargains. Mid afternoon had me driving about looking for an address to pick up a free pink dresser. And it was really good pink, pinker than Elvis’s Cadillac, more pink than the panther, and if champagne was that colour it would be undrinkable.

The dresser came with a pink bed frame, that went straight out by the road, I was planning to put it out once it was dark, the chances are the person won’t realise the colour until the morning.

4th January 2019

I set up the planer thicknesser to make edging for the side tables, as these were the next priority. The pieces went through several times without a problem, then at the final pass two of them shattered as the blade hit some cross grain, BUMMER! So a bit of serious repair work is needed.

I was having brunch with Dave, so Kelli was off food shopping on her own.

When I returned I ambled into the garage I started scraping the finish off the drawer fronts when the phone rang. The warning signs were there, “great furniture, a lot of interest in most of it” therefore it was only a matter of time before disaster struck, and it did. The tall dresser sold! Now it was full speed ahead to get the side tables finished. Well into the evening we worked together to get them finished.

3rd January 2019

Yet again we were on route to Painted Farmgirl in Hudsonville. The tall dresser was safely in the back of the truck, and I was sucking on the last of my mints that I had for Christmas. The sun was shining on the snow covered landscape. It was a good day to be out.

We manhandled the dresser into position, moving a few of the items I had attached to the wall only a few days before, I am used to that.

After lunch at the winery, we headed back to the house.

I had borrowed a skill saw from Dave, I was keen to cut the tops for the side tables. It came in a steel box, and inside was a beautiful polished aluminium machine. Obviously quite old, at a time when things were made to last. Everything about it was solid, and it cut through the board like butter.

I also decided to prime the top part of the hutch, that took longer than I thought, all the knocks and crannies were a real drag, the fumes from the paint, didn’t make the experience very pleasant.

As a treat, Kelli had made a apple crunch, that is so good that I would lick the bowl afterwards, the only time I would do it without the risk of the seat slamming down on my neck(note! This is an old joke not found in Bob’s archives, but I like to use it when I can)