Another Lifetime to go

5th December 2019

This is the day of the burial, the day was calm, as if nature knew this was a special day.

The service was just a family affair. There were two members of the military to fold the flag in appreciation of his service to the country.

There were six family members to carry the casket, Matt and his wife Brenda, Kelli and daughter Greer, myself and David, Matt’s son in law. We were instructed on how to remove it from the hearse, I was the first in line so I had to slide it along to the next person. When it got out to the last couple the full weight became apparent. I didn’t realise that Dave wanted to be buried with a full set of tools, or at least that’s what it felt like. I was staggering, saying to myself “ Please don’t drop it”. The ground around was soft, and I could feel my self sinking into the turf. I guess this was Dave’s last joke.

Had I known how much space was left in the grave, I would have dumped the three televisions sets that we have stored in the shed.

The service was simple, but the most moving moment was the folding of the flag. There was precision in how it was done, although they must have done it hundreds for times, I bet they would make mincemeat of a fitted sheet.

As soon as it was over everyone came back to our place for some refreshments.

This was the final act, now the slow adjustment period begins.

4th December 2019

Kelli was off delivering flowers whilst I was in the garage with paintbrush in hand.

I was listening to accounts of Trump’s visit to the UK and why we would allow that. How much money would the air traffic controllers want to divert him to Russia?

There’s a lot going on with the impeachment proceedings, but generally the people here don’t give a stuff, most are putting their faith in a fair election, if that can ever happen.

You can make the most compelling case, in the simplest language, and many will just accept it. No average person here could do the sort of things the President has done, and not gone to jail.

But nothing that is important happens, no gun control, lowering of prescription drugs and the opioid crisis. All the politicians have their sponsors, and “special interest” groups so bills get held up indefinitely, and nobody bothers.

It is so frustrating sometimes when victims are crying out for change and it falls on deaf ears.

So another coat of paint on the drawer fronts, and progress has been made.

We managed to sell two furniture pieces today, one was a small table and the other a small white dresser that we picked up at Goodwill and did nothing to it.

This is the first month since we changed our status to consignment at Our Collective Homes. It’s not hard to understand why sales have dropped off, and that is choices.

Our Collective Homes is sited within another store that sells similar products, it is not a destination in itself. It is merely places on the route through, so indistinguishable from everything else.

I had the idea of stopping customers getting out by creating a maze where they get instructions to leave only when they buy something. The downside of this would be the place would be filled with the skeletons of those too bloody tight to participate.

Another part of America society that I despise is the tipping mentality. A gratuity was a measure or good service, not a means of boosting the pay to a minimum level. I guess over here everything, and everyone depends on it, so why not include it into the cost of the service? I expect it has something to do with tax. I hate being guilted into subsidising the income of someone who needs to earn more, whilst the owners benefit from cheap Labour.

Nobody tips us for delivering furniture, even though they are getting a really good deal.

This is a subject that Kelli and I discuss every time we eat out, and the check comes. Why should I pay for shoddy service? Why should I say the food is great when it isn’t?.

“The waitress cannot live on what she’s paid without tips” is Kelli’s argument, so I have to add twenty percent to a mundane meal simply as an act of charity? If that is the case she’s in the wrong job.

3rd December 2019

A day in the garage sanding and painting drawers ready to complete some of the commission pieces.

I also disassembled the drawerless dresser getting it ready for some extensive re-modelling.

I managed to salvage all the wood parts that will be re-used in “drawerless dresser 2” the return of the dresser with some drawers.

Kelli had to take her mother to various places, so with just the I-pad for company I soldiered on.

She got back pretty tired, I guess being in a car with someone who has health problems, and grieving a loved one can take a lot out of a person.

After one big hint we decided to go into town for something to eat. It just so happened corresponded with the Christmas parade.

The illuminated floats caused unprecedented traffic chaos. Trying to find a parking place was near impossible. We circled around like hungry vultures for a space, but it was not looking good. I suggested that we just stopped and waited until the procession ended. My logic was with the price of petrol here, they would want to drive as fast as they could to finish to save money.

As fate would have it a car pulled out of a space ahead. Kelli was on it slicker than a monkey on a greasy pole, then we noticed it was for a thirty minute stay. This was a dilemma, would anyone be patrolling the place at 7.00pm? We decided I risk it, either it would a great night out, or the most expensive meal ever, we would wait to find out.

We had to send out positive messages that we wouldn’t get a ticket, and sure enough it worked, we had a good time, and cheated the system at the same time.

2nd December 2019

The buyer of the small table came to collect. He was delighted with it, so I didn’t mention the amount of extra work I had to put into it to finish it to the standard I wanted.

We had to meet Matt at the cemetery to pick out the plot for the burial. The cold wind blew across the many lumps of grey granite that stuck out of the ground like jagged teeth.

We found a plot adjacent to a row of trees that bordered the field. It was an appropriate place as Dave did not socialise with strangers easily, so won’t get disturbed by the neighbours.

It was intended to have an extra space next to the plot for expansion, morbid but understandable. The tradition is for the casket to be oriented east to west, with the feet to the east. I thought it would be more appropriate for his feet to point towards Bob Evans, as that was a favourite place for him to have breakfast, but I kept it to myself, nobody likes a smart mouth.

Later that evening we sold the four dining chairs that we got for free. So “four chairs for us”.

1st December 2019

It was a day off from jobbies, usually that doesn’t mean anything, because things call to me from the garage asking to be finished.

I clear coated the small table one more time, and brushed a sealing coat on the re-paint dresser. Then I dug into the pile to see what other pieces can be worked on.

I came across a small dresser that looked like it had been rescued from the Titanic. The plywood sides had delaminated due to some serious water damage, and it was in really bad condition. I am not a miracle worker, and this piece would need completely dismantled and re-built.

I ventured deeper into the jungle of furniture until I found the drawer-less dresser. I had some thoughts around what I would turn it into, but the blinding flash of inspiration took me by surprise. The drawers from the Titanic fitted height wise into the top part of the drawer-less dresser. I could cut down one drawer to fit in the middle part, and Bob’s your uncle. This will be my side project.

We took a trip out to Goodwill on our side of town and found a small dresser that we snapped up to possibly sell on as it was.

We heard from Matt that the church that Mom and Dad attended raised a considerable amount towards the funeral expenses. That surprised me that in this capitalist country there is a socialist element to it, I wonder if they have made the connection yet?

Later in the evening, as we were watching something on the TV, I put my hand on Kelli’s nose and gripped the end like I was holding it. She immediately started to cry, this was one of the gestures her dad did when she was a kid. She had never told me of this event, and I had never done it before, this was bazaar, I had no idea why I did it.

30th November 2018

I needed to get things finished in the garage.

The events of the week, plus thanksgiving changed our priorities. Kelli had to go out, so I had a good opportunity to move things along.

The top I had laid up the night before turned out good, so I cut it to size and machined the edge. I was impressed that I didn’t mess up the final corner.

The timber took the stain really well, that was a relief, so I was well on track to get that finished.

The next project was the dresser re-paint, that needed the sides and front stripping of the old paint.

Out with the heat gun, and within an hour all the paint was gone.

I sanded the top and applied the dark stain to that, just as Kelli pulled into the driveway.

She had gone to Goodwill and found a tall narrow dresser.

Really, we should have teleportation between both Goodwill and home to save all the bother of going there and fighting for things

29th November 2019

Black Friday hit Holland but Kelli and I couldn’t give a stuff.

We had to join Kelli’s brother Matt and his wife Brenda at the funeral parlour to go through some of the arrangements. This is when the the term “ Dying trade” really means something. There is this casket or that casket with the super gull wing doors, in metal or the finest wood veneer. At the bottom end there is the cardboard box if you take the Amazon option.

With some tentative arrangements made we set off to do some shopping.

I had to get some wood to replace the table top that didn’t work as well as I wanted.

I also bought a router and a set of cutters to machine an edge to the top.

Kelli dropped me at Harbour Freight, a man’s toy shop. I spent a while looking at what was on offer. There were several different router specs, but also did I want a stand including a router? I was going back and forth trying to decide. I remember reading a review on this which was not favourable, so I put the separate router in my trolly. Then I wandered around the store for ages waiting for Kelli to arrive. There was only so many times a person could walk around the place before I get tagged as a looney just wasting time, which is precisely what I was doing.

Eventually Kelli pulled up, and I then went through the checkout as a normal person would.

We had to meet Matt again, this time at the nursing home to collect the chair we had delivered just a few days before.

We had planned to use the same trolley to transport the chair to the truck, but this time Matt was going to lay on the lower shelf and wave at the residents as I pushed it towards the car park. However that idea went down the toilet when an orderly volunteered to move the chair on a dolly for us.

We took the chair back to the family house and set it back in it’s original position.

There doesn’t seem a desire to move all the reminders out of the house at the moment, maybe closure will come much later.

28th November 2019

It was thanksgiving, and we were the hosts.

For us it was the best place to bring the family together. Our home had no reminders of Dave, except what was in our hearts.

Kelli set out the table, which was the first time it had been extended since we moved in.

As always Kelli did a great job of dressing it with multi-coloured plates and her crazy wine glasses of every shape, style and shade we had left from the wedding.

She then made a shepherd’s pie using lentils instead of meat. The other guests brought all the food for themselves.

We had decided to make this a happy event, and to use it to celebrate Dave by telling stories of some of his crazy exploits.

There were some tears, but the laughter was louder and more meaningful.

By 9.00pm everybody was leaving, from my position, I thought the evening went better than I had hoped.

27th November 2019

The day started good, we sold a TV cabinet first thing, then Kelli had to leave to work at the florist to deliver some pre thanksgiving bouquets.

I worked in the garage on a couple of projects until Kelli’s son Cameron turned up.

He was upset as he received news that his grandfather, who had just been transferred from the hospital to the nursing home, had taken a turn for the worst.

He stayed whilst Kelli drove from Saugatuck back home.

There are many ways that people deal with the dying. Some want to be at the bedside at all times, others want to remember the person as they always have, in the best light.

Kelli didn’t know what she wanted to do.

We went out to get some bits for the shed door and some wine for thanksgiving.

Once we returned, Kelli received the news she was dreading.

We arrived at the nursing home, all the family were there, the grief hung thickly over poor Dave like a winter cloud. This was very appropriate as there were high winds howling around the window frame.

At last his suffering was over, he lay peaceful.

Later in the evening, when we settled back, Kelli sat and wrote this Facebook post.

It sums up the father daughter relationship in a way I couldn’t better.

“I’m not sure why I am posting this on social media, other than the fact that I had the best dad a girl could ever ask for, and I lost him tonight. He was always a big teddy bear, one that spoke softly but carried a big stick. His sense of humor was drier than the Sahara desert, and he always gave good honest advice. The most important thing I learned from him was this: it’s better to err on the side of mercy than to do nothing. I know he’s in a better place now and he has slain the demons that I know he wrestled with mentally, but this is something I wasn’t ready for at only 49. I saw him Sunday night when he was still sort of alert, but not really talking much. I held his hand, which felt so tiny in mine, and told him I loved him. He whispered back “I love you too.” I always knew how much he loved me, but he rarely told me, so that is a memory I will cherish forever. Fly free, dad. I hope to see you again. Who knows… maybe I’ll find your spirit again in my lifetime. I love you so much.”

26th November 2019

I laid up the new top for the table, and set it on the flood to dry. I broke open the heat gun that I bought recently to try it on a dresser that had to be re-painted. I tried sanding the top, but the surface was very hard, and the progress I was waking with sandpaper was slow. At the rate I was going it would have taken a week.

I was hesitant to use the heat gun as I didn’t want to damage the veneered surface under the paint. I tried to just heat the blade of the scraper which seemed to work well. I a short time i managed to strip 80% of the old finish before we were called to Kelli’s parents house to help with moving her father’s chair.

He had been moved to hospital as his condition had worsened, and he was due to be moved into a nursing home for his final days.

I helped carry the special chair out and deliver it to the nursing home. This chair was vital as he could lay in a bed because of the pain it would cause to his legs.

Kelli’s brother Matt drove back and forth along 32nd Street trying to find Hallmark Nursing Home, eventually finding it hidden behind a hedge.

After going through rigorous security systems we were let in. I could see their point, I wasn’t looking my best in my work clothes and unshaven, I probably looked like the patient. I guess I was grateful that they didn’t try to get me into a bed.

The place was warm and bright, but that was its best features. The staff were friendly and some had the “ I’m so sorry “ look on their faces.

We borrowed a trolly and off loaded the chair, pushing it alone a corridor to room 404.

This was a grim space, the bed had been moved out leaving an emptiness that felt cold and desolate.

These places are not cheap, a room at a chain hotel would be less expensive, although the quality of food would probably be the same.

We had to carry the chair in through the back entrance (not passage). There were two doors that we had to pass through, the short passage in between was really warm. We did jokingly ask how much would it be for Dave to use this space, instead of the gloomy room, it was light with a good view, but they didn’t take us seriously, nobody jokes in this place.