Another Lifetime to go

17th January 2019

It’s all action today, first a stop at Lowes to buy screws to fit the knobs for the Kelli’s technicolour dream dresser. I searched out a man and explained what I wanted. He smugly replied “ you want a 10-32, all knobs are that size” I explained that I had done all that, I had many screws of that size and they locked up after a couple of turns. I suggested it might be a metric screw. He spluttered as if I said a dirty word, but sure enough it was an M4 thread. “ Up yours Chuck” I said under my breath.

We set off for Hudsonville with the truck weighed down with the new pieces.

After arranging the space yet again, I took the usual series of pictures. I even managed to take a picture of some stuff we were taking out. I thought it looked interesting, but Kelli just looked bemused, she knows all about the weird stuff I do.

We headed out to the Winery(again) for some lunch, and a beer, can’t remember the drive back, must have been good then!

16th January 2019

I needed a hair cut, so off we went to improve my appearance. Kelli came along as we had errands to do afterwards. She was making suggestions to the girl with the scissors, and clumps of my precious hair fell to the floor. My hair does have a mind of its own, every day it is different. There is the shark fin, the pineapple, the side wave and the Ken Dodd. I have grown used to it just doing what it wants, and my feeble attempts to keep it under control have long gone. However with the girls finally agreeing how I should look, a dollop of cream later and I exited the place able to withstand the strongest winds without a hair out of place.

A lady came round to collect the dresser we brought back from Hudsonville, so we had some cash to play with. A phone call later and Kelli announced that we had sold the two side tables that we took in on Saturday. There was nothing else finished, The hutch was a little big for the space at the moment, so the next in line was a multi-drawer dresser that I had started to strip the drawer fronts. I found them to be made from cedar, which was a pleasant surprise. We dragged the dresser into the house so Kelli could work on it. A few hours later she had worked her magic and transformed a boring piece of furniture into a funky coloured triumph. This is now known as Kelli’s Technicoloured dream dresser.

We stopped off at Goodwill (like we do every single time) and found a large rustic box. It looked like it was built by Stevie Wonder. Rough was an understatement, I got splinters just standing next to it, but Kelli thought it had potential so we got it and loaded it into the truck.

As it had been painted white, Kelli attacked it with the sander to give it a rougher look than it already had, if that was at all possible.

15th January 2019

Another drive to Hudsonville to remove a dresser that Kelli sold on Marketplace and replace it with “pinky”. The final coat of paint was still drying when we loaded it into the truck. This is often the time when you see the places missed, and therefore out comes the small brush and the steady hand.

This trip allowed us to see what had sold at the weekend, which was a bit of a disappointment, but as we had a sale in the bag it wasn’t all bad.

Not pinky anymore.

Whilst in the area we drove to another place called “Changing Times” which was just along the road in Grandville. One reason I wanted to check the place out was to see our friends John and Patty’s booth. The people who run these places have no idea how to present their vendor’s pieces in the best possible light. Painted Farmgirl is a little better, but by no means perfect. Changing Times is a shithole, another place filled with clutter and junk. Everything mixed together, with little thought for the customer experience. Fortunately there is a large car park that I would use to build a large bonfire and burn most of the stuff. There are some good furniture, but they’re hidden down strength-sapping corridors, so by the time you get to the end, you’ve forgotten why you went there in the first place.

We had the chance to discuss our visit with John and Patty when we met up for dinner at the Winery. They have been in Changing Times for eight years, and it used to be one of their best outlets, but they agreed the place has got worse over the last few years.

As we chatted, we found ourselves in the middle of the Winery bingo night. So our conversation was interrupted by the caller shouting out numbers and telling bad jokes.

One that I can remember, (there were so many but the beer was taking effect)

A man was talking to his buddy, “ Our wedding anniversary is coming up, and my wife said that she wanted something with diamonds in it, so I bought her a pack of cards”.

On the way back we stopped off to pick up two cushions from a home seller. Now when someone mentions cushions I automatically have a visual in my mind of what to expect, but these were small, more like the size of a teabag. I don’t understand what these would be used for, unless, for keeping your armpits warm on a cold night. They are more likely to get lost down the back of the sofa, so expect to hear a cry of “ I can’t find my cushions!” Very soon.

14th January 2019

Back to the ice box to work on the drawers for the dresser. Some needed repairing and I used the chemical stripper to remove the finish.

The electric heater is not very effective, I could get more heat by rubbing two Boy Scouts together, but I think that is illegal here.

Today you get the same effect by using a Republican and a Democrat.

There was our usual dilemma of selling something before we had anything ready to replace it. So at about nine at night, we dragged the “pinky” into the living room, and Kelli painted it with a primer. The kitchen had the base of the hutch in it. The poor dogs had to negotiate an obstacle course of drawers and paint pots, but that’s what we have to do.

13th January 2019

After the hectic events of yesterday, today was a more sedate day, with little activity. I painted some doors for the hutch, and took some timber up to Dave’s to cut up for more projects. In the early evening we took the dogs to Point West for a walk along the beach.

It was strangely calm, and the ice formations on the walkway were striking.

12th January 2019

If things could get any worse, they did this morning. All I had to do was re-align the drawer fronts on the issue prone table. I removed the zinc handles, removed the front panel from the drawer and reposition it so that it fitted in the recess perfectly. I then had to re-drill the through holes for handle. As I pushed the lugs of the handle into the holes and engaged the attachment screw, I began to tighten, suddenly the screw went loose, so I unscrewed it. The handle came away from panel and I could see that the lugs had snapped off.

That feeling of dread came over me, and believe me, thirty years at Herman Miller I knew that feeling well. Kelli was drying her hair at the time, so I crept up to the door ready to tell her what happened. The dogs were nowhere to be seen, so I couldn’t blame them, therefore I had to blurt it out. There was the sigh of exasperation, and the look that said “What are you going to do now?”

The look I returned was like “I don’t know” in a slightly pitiful tone.

The clock was ticking, we had to get the tables to Hudsonville to replace other tables that had sold.

I went through various scenarios in my head. I had to fix a handle to a drawer that had no fixings. The only solution was to drill holes in the handle from the front, and countersink them.

I pushed screws though the handle, and fixed it to the front with a nut. I then handed it to my brilliant wife who matched the colour of the handle perfectly. She was at pains to tell me that she had already mixed the colour to match the handle even before I gave it to her, which was an amazing co-incidence, or she had more mystical power than I gave her credit for. Anyway, disaster was averted, and we were able to deliver the pieces to the booth.

In the evening Cameron took us to a Speakeasy deep beneath Butch’s restaurant.

Entrance is gained using a special password. The first time we tried there was an hour wait, so we walked in the biting wind to a bar on the high street. No sooner had we sat down Cam got a text to say there was a table for us. So the drinks had to be swiftly dispatched. That was the point that Kelli started to giggle. We were escorted down stairs to the bowels of the building, then through a door into another experience. There was a bar where the tenders were shaking the cocktail makers. The lighting was low and atmospheric, the candle on the table barely let out any light, it must have had the expected usage of at least two years. I had to read out the menu purely using the reflected light from Kelli’s teeth. The waiter slid across to take our order. Cameron, who was a regular, took a whiskey, Kelli wanted something with chocolate in it. Off he went, bringing back something resembling watery mud, although it tasted better than any mud I’ve ever drunk before . I ordered some flavoured nuts, because the light was so dim, I had no idea what they really were. Some were clustered together, and I’m sure that if I saw them in daylight it would have scared the shit out of me.

As the effects of the watery mud continued to hit Kelli, the giggling grew in frequency and intensity. I had chosen Craft cider, the safest, less exotic of the drink selection, but it tasted like a sample you would give to a doctor, but it did improved the more I consumed.

11th January 2019

Kelli dropped me at Menards on her way to Aldi. I had some paint supplies to get, and the thought of food shopping was not high on my priority list. The arrangement was that I get my stuff and go to the Starbucks next door to wait. Walking into Menards is a little daunting, it is huge, a Cathedral to the handyman where everyone looks upwards for heavenly guidance, or just to read the signs which is what is needed to find things. I wondered around, with my neck locked in skyward facing position trying to get my bearings and miraculously found what I exactly what I needed.

Then came the interesting part, getting to Starbucks. It didn’t look far away, but as I walked it didn’t appear to get any closer. The roads went in all directions and appeared to be modelled on the theme-park system of everlasting queues.

I decided to take the scenic route across the snow covered grass. There were footprints leading across the snow so I thought I was safe. As I got to the middle of the grassy knoll, I heard a cracking sound underfoot. I slowed my progress convinced I was walking on ice. The cracking continued with every step. I kept following the footprints until they stopped at a large patch of ice, and I mean stopped, no footprints on it, or on the other side. I was a little scared, I didn’t know if there was a lake or a small pond here. So I remembered my “Boys own book of everything” I walked around the ice on tip-toes because the book suggested that I would be putting less weight on the ice. As this book was written in the forties when they knew nothing, I carried on. I must have looked like a ballerina prancing about. Fortunately I did not die, get sucked into a vortex or get a staring role in Swan Lake, but I made it to Starbucks.

Post script, when I read the book again, I should have laid flat on the ice to increase my surface area, but then I would have frozen to death, as the book suggested.

Progress on the side table top went much better. I attacked the problem with the most toxic materials known to man. It took many coats, and a lot of scraping until, through the haze of my contamination suit visor I could see the improvement in the finish.

As always there was the pressure to get them finished so they could be delivered to Hudsonville tomorrow.

Kelli Painted the hutch top in between me moving side tables about and getting into her way.

10th January 2019

What a bloody waste of a day!

I’m still working on the tops for these side tables. The finish on one was a bit blotchy and I wasn’t happy with it. So the first job was to sand off the finish and start again, taking care not to go too aggressive and sand through the veneer. This took for ages using different grades of sandpaper, but eventually I got an even finish, and set about applying the stain. This time the finish was stripy, I just couldn’t win. I waited until the top was dry, and took a scraper down one of the light strips, there was the crunchy sound of old varnish still present. So once again I sanded the top back, and left it.

My sister sent me a photo of a letter from South Gloucester council informing me that on the twentieth of November I strayed into a bus lane and therefore have to give them money for the pleasure.

Oh bloody joy!

I informed them of the bad day I was having, and on that date it was my birthday, and all they said was “many happy returns”

9th January 2019

I set about surveying the next door neighbour’s cupboard because I had to cut and fit four shelves. I had my square and adjustable square at the ready. I set out the dimensions on to the first shelf, but it didn’t make sense at first, then I realised that the back wall was not flat, so sending all my measurements out. I decided to make a template which was the smartest thing I had done all day. Once that was done the task was simple, and my neighbour was a happy man.

There was drama in the kitchen.

Kelli: loudly cursing in the kitchen as her enchiladas turn into a casserole because the corn tortillas refuse to stay together (despite being steamed, as per recipe directions)

I come into kitchen to survey the situation. “Anything I can do?”

Kelli: “pretend it’s good when it comes out of the oven, or call the doctor “

8th January 2019

Back in the garage, trying to get from one side to another. Everyone is fixated about walls, barriers or obstacles, except for me, I’ve had them for ages. It is like a game from the crystal maze, negotiating a safe passage through the building is taking your life in your hands. I have to make space for the new dresser, and short of finding a door to another dimension, I’m not sure how I can find more room.

I’ve been working on the new side tables we picked up on Sunday. I am now known as “Pete the scrape”, slightly better than “strip” which I will keep in reserve in case things get tight.

I managed to get some stain on one of the table tops, hopefully I can hand them on to Kelli tomorrow.

I went next door to see a neighbour who wanted some shelves fitted, guess word is out that I can wield a trusty saw.

We had some pictures sent to us from one of our regular customers showing the furniture she bought from us. It is really satisfying to see pieces that we worked on installed and used in people’s homes.