Another Lifetime to go

13th August

The build continues. If truth be known, using pallets to construct a building is not ideal. There is no precision in how they are manufactured, and it conflicts with everything I’ve been used to.

I have toyed with the idea of building a modular structure for many years, after building my own “MegaShed” back in 1985. There are a lot of companies around specialising in prefabricated buildings, so trying to make something respectable out of old pallets was a challenge I wanted to try.

I already found that trying to make a floor was really difficult, so building a structure that had to be square was the thing I was not looking forward to.

The first layer that I did yesterday, worked pretty well, but adding the second layer would show all the dimensional inaccuracies, and could turn into a nightmare.

I am never content with taking a “safe” option. The pavilion design had a angled cut-back at the front, and an oversailing roof. Originally, this design was going to be pre- manufactured using bolt-together panels. This would have been relatively straightforward.

I added a second level of pallets, this went better than expected. Each section was joined using wooden cleats.

I finished the day in a pretty good mood, I would have to wait until the following Tuesday when the OSB’s are delivered to check on squareness.

Now I needed some rest, the bones and muscles are not what they used to be. 

12th August 2017 

The day has come when I undertake two challenges that I opened my big mouth for.

One was looking after my son’s two dogs whilst his family go off on holiday for a week. The other was to build a garden pavilion using old pallets.

I seemed to be destined to make things out of pallets, I expect that I shall be buried in coffin made from bloody pallets.

Louise had acquired over forty slightly used examples, and secretly I had been looking forward to starting the project. However, looking forward, and actually doing it are two completely different things.

As soon as they had left, I set about trying to level the site. This was harder than it looked, each pallet was a different size and thickness, but I persisted, and soon I had the floor section down, and started to build the walls.

I fed the two dogs, and two cats, which I forgot to mention. Then took the dogs for separate walks. Both nearly pulled my arms off, I was wrecked, I collapsed on the sofa with a cold beer in hand, thanks Ryan.

11th August 2017

Compared to yesterday, today is a doddle.

I was expecting a delivery from Amazon, so I was prepared for a long wait, even though the tracking was eminent. My plan today was to move out some of my older recording equipment, and Ryan was popping round to help me.

There is alway that dilemma about leaving the house even for a short time, that the white van man would choose that time to attempt delivery.

However I decided to risk it, and off-loaded the equipment in record time. On my return, I checked the tracking it was still “out for delivery”. Within five minutes the doorbell rang, and I took delivery of a new camcorder.

The rest of the afternoon was spent stripping down more furniture for moving.

10th August 2017

“Can you look after Ethan Thursday afternoon please?” Came a request from my eldest son Damian. How could I refuse, he is a little darling.

In the morning, with the help of my youngest son Ryan, we carried a few more boxes to the cottage for storing. 

As there were a couple of viewings of the rental in the afternoon, I was glad that I wasn’t going to be there. It was a good day, the sun was shining, and a great opportunity to drop the roof, and take a pleasant drive down to Bournemouth.

It was a good run, apart from the occasional old person dawdling along in their Nissan Micras. The barking growel of the Jag made short work of them.

Ethan hadn’t had his afternoon nap when I arrived, seeing his Granddad had given him a second wind. “Don’t worry, I take him for a stroll along the seafront, that should let him sleep”

I loaded him into his pushchair, and set off into the sun.

I began to notice that he wasn’t dropping off to sleep as I expected, instead he was getting a bit restless, and trying to wriggle out of the harness.

This is when I made the fateful decision to let him out of the chair. He had started to walk a month or so before, so for some reason I thought he would walk calmly beside me.

The moment his feet hit the pavement, he was off like a scalded cat, in every direction except the one we were going in. Realising my mistake, I rushed after him, scooping him up in my arms.

At this point his lungs exploded into a scream that would have made Hitchcock jump.

I carried this little noise generator back to his chair, and tried to sit him in it. At this stage he locked his body rigid, so I was unable the fix the harness. I was sweating like a pig, wrestling this flaying toddler, trying to bend him in the middle.

A swift punch to the tummy would have done the job, but it is not the thing to do to your grandchild, in case he remembers it, and reminds you about it for ever.

I relied on him taking a breath at some stage, which he did, and I quickly refitted the harness.

Ya! I punched the air in victory.

There was some time of grizzling, but soon all was quiet, so I continued on my walk.

On the way back, I stopped for a cup of tea, Ethan had woken by then, so I looked on the menu for something suitable for him to eat.

I decided on a gingerbread man, “How plain and simple was that?” I thought. Well this one came with chocolate buttons that quickly melted in the sun. Although most of the cake did go down the correct way, unlike the packet of crayons that was on the table when we arrived, the mess was limited, and easily cleaned with a wet wipe.

Heading back home, I had to climb a hill, which in itself was a challenge, I continued to sweat but managed to get to the top without having a heart attack. I imagined the headlines ” Pensioner lasts less than two weeks”

Modern pushchairs are a marvel of modern design, they turn in every direction except the one you want. The twenty-first century mother must have wrist muscles like an athlete. Getting through the front door required an extra hand which I did not have. Turn key, push door open, push the chair with the right hand, wheels want to go left, but can’t because of the door. Super power was required for the right hand to overcome physics. Eventually I was in, and released Ethan from his restraint.

Off he toddled, straight to a large potted plant, where he had great fun throwing the earth around the carpet. “Oh no where’s the hoover?” I called, but Ethan cannot talk yet. I desperately searched every cupboard, knowing that Ethan could be grinding the dirt deeper into the carpet. I did find it eventually, hidden behind a door??.

Pulling out the lead, I then went searching for a socket to plug into. Could I find one? Bloody no! Getting desperate, I was moving furniture around thinking this was a stunt. Soon the wall would lift and the studio audience would laugh and cheer, and my humiliation would be complete, but no, it wasn’t that simple.

I pulled a chair away and found a socket, I kissed the air, and cleaned up the mess, perfect, no one would know.

I settled down to rest, I was damp with perspiration, completely de-hydrated and glad that I survived.

Eventually Damian came back. “How was he today?” “Perfect” the word just left my lips automatically. ” You know anytime, just let me know” Ethan just looked at me, and smiled.

9th August 2017

A couple of weeks ago I had a message from Gill, a lady I did some work for. Gill is an hipnotherapist, and I used to record her various topics so she could sell CD’s to her clients.

I hadn’t heard from her in over three years, and assumed that she had given it up.

She asked if I could remaster some of her older programs, as she was starting up again.

I brought her up to date with my plans, which left a very limited window to do anything, but as my recording gear was still operational, I could do something.

I suggested that we meet up for coffee and talk through what she wanted.

Gill is a lovely lady with a soothing Scottish accent, her voice, so calming, had a real effect on me. The tracking sessions used to take a few hours to record, then I would spend a more hours to edit and mix. There were many times when I fell asleep during the mixing session.

The funniest thing that happened to her, and I can’t believed it could happen, was when she took the wrong car home. She always parked in the Tollgate pub car park, and after the session, she walked a few hundred yards to her car. She unlocked the door, started it up and drove it off towards Trowbridge. She noticed that her scarf was not on the passenger seat, which worried her. It was then she notices a few more things that she was not used to, like the colour of the upholstery .Then the penny dropped, this was not her car. In a panic, she drove back to the pub hoping that the owner hadn’t noticed it had been taken, and called the police. Fortunately she managed to get back undetected, although she did park it in a different spot, and facing a different way. She quickly found her car, and sped off as quick as she could, with her scarf on the passenger seat.

We always laughed at the thought of the owner finding their car in a different place, and smelling of woman’s perfume.

8th August 2017

Back at the cottage, I was checking out the mega shed, and discovered a small hole that was obviously made by Ratty rat. This was going to be my workshop, and I was not prepared to share it with a rodent. First I needed to check if it was active, so I placed a bag of bait next to the hole.

I fitted a heavy duty padlock to keep out even bigger rats.

I had a visit from a Kitchen/Bathroom man, to start planning the major changes. I explained what I wanted. Firstly, the structural changes required, at this point, he said that he needed to bring his builder over, so we agreed a new date.

As I am going away at the end of the month, I was wanted to finalise Details whilst I was away. I gave the man the list of products I wanted included in the kitchen, bathroom and toilet.

I discussed the style for the kitchen, so the restricted space limits the planning configurations, but should include all the appliances I need.

7th August 2017

Started the cleaning process of the rental. Never considered being a mop and bucket person, although I appreciate a clean house (yes a typical male).

I started with the shower. Wow! Viakal is a great product at removing limescale and water marks from glass. I felt like a miracle worker, spray on, drink coffee, go back and rinse off, drink more coffee, super.

However things didn’t go well. I had to be inside the shower in order to clean it. As I wiped the bottom of the glass door, my belt caught the taps, and a burst of cold water sprayed all over me, resulting in a complete change of clothes. Mmmm, not impressed at the time, but made me smile later. I did consider a more efficient way was by combining taking a shower, and cleaning it, but ruled that out, as I have enough trouble co-ordinating soap and shampoo, without adding in mild toxic liquids.

6th August 2017

What a versatile product STEM is. For the past five years I have been using it in a domestic environment, using fabrics and woods it has worked really well, giving me all the storage I needed. I spent last evening dis-assembling a few of the empty units, so I could take them to the cottage and store them in my workshop. One trip, a lot more gasping, but eventually everything was stacked neatly. Only one unit remains,which will be moved out on my last day.

I had made good progress, my head was spinning less now that some progress has been made. 

I sat drinking coffee planning out the rest of the move in my head, realising how much was left to do. I starting breaking down the jobs, and listing them day by day. I came to the conclusion that I needed a bit more help. The Jag is a great car, but useless at carrying stuff. 

5th August 2017.

My cottage is situated on a never ending slope. On the way, you stumble across the remains of Sherpas who found the journey treacherous. Everything has go up or down this path, which is  great as a training schedule, but, although if you do it everyday, you still never get used to it.

Everything fitted into the rental van, and disappeared into the ravenous jaws of the giant crusher. In a thousand years time when archaeologists are digging in the landfill they will come across these carpets and believe that   humans were covered in dog hair.

On the way back I loaded the first batch of boxes  destined to be stored in the cottage. These boxes didn’t seem that heavy at the bottom, but at the top of the slope, with the thin air, they weighed a ton. After ten boxes I thought I was going to die, and this was just the start. Over the next few weeks everything I treasured would have to climb that hill.

4th August 2017

Now it’s down to the main dirty jobs, removing the carpets and getting the old bed downstairs.

I have given myself set tasks each day so I don’t get depressed.

I had already rolled up the rugs and other assorted floor coverings, so this was removing carpets in the bedrooms. I could not remember what the original colour was, except they were grey and matted. Even a new Dyson would have said “bugger! even my digital motor wouldn’t touch this”.

So I cut, rolled, and stacked the sad carpet rolls outside, awaiting a trip to the tip.

I ended the day with everything downstairs, feeling unwashed, and a desire to be hosed down with a power washer.