Author: peterb51

21st December 2019

Today was different, I accompanied Kelli on her flower delivery. I was the navigator responsible for entering the addresses into the sat nav.

This was a wonderful change because I was able to see a lot more of the area, and many of the cool houses hidden away, and off the beaten track. Of course they have to be found first. The sat nav coverage is limited to areas where people can string several words together, and not dribble, which leaves out many areas outside of Holland.

The stories of in-breeding in these areas have been greatly exaggerated, but so far I have not seen any examples, except the guy at the petrol station with a tail.

We had to deliver flowers to addresses with panoramic views over Lake Michigan. The sort of place where you could open the sliding glass doors and plunge to your death on the sand below.

When we returned home we found that the dogs had rummaged through some Christmas presents, ripped open one that contained prunes and chocolate chip bars. Kelli was concerned that it could kill them, as chocolate is like a poison to them. I volunteered to dig a hole before the ground got to hard, but that went down like a lead balloon, or a frozen dog whichever is appropriate.

We now have to wait until either they puke or shit themselves, which is a wonderful thought.

20th December 2019

I had a piece of pizza for my lunch that I devoured in about 30 seconds flat, this was left over from last night. I was still hungry, and went searching for something else to eat. At one point even the dog food looked appetising, but Kelli would smell the salmon on my breath straight away.

I was on my own working on a couple of cabinets whilst she was delivering flowers again.

I was painting and painting trying to get the perfect finish with no brush marks.

I was using up all of the remaining paint in the can, mentally stretching out the paint so that I didn’t run out before I had finished them.

Each of them had two coats, and I still wasn’t happy with them.

I decided to do the painting in the sun room, because it was warmer, and I could remember to let the dogs back in.

There have been a few times when I have got a little distracted, and suddenly remember when I see them wandering about the back garden looking sad. I then rush to let them back in, giving them two treats each so they wouldn’t split on me.

19th December 2019

I had been searching Marketplace for a record deck so that we could play vinyl records through our music system.

Kelli had purchased an old record player that had fidelity of music being played though an old sock five miles away.

I had found an old Sony transcription deck in Grand Haven that was similar to one I had in the eighties, so I thought it would be perfect.

The seller, Matt dropped it round to the house, as he worked in Holland, which was a good opportunity to try it out. He agreed that I could keep it overnight to put it through its paces.

Kelli had to work at the flower shop, so it left me time to set it up.

First thing I found was the amplifier did not have a “phono” input which would normally be used to connect a deck to the system.

All the other inputs had the wrong impedance, so I had to turn the volume up full to hear anything.

It had been difficult connecting everything because the lead was short, so I had to find a temporary surface to put it on, fortunately I had been working on a TV unit, so I employed that to do the job. Once I discovering the problem, I had to sit down as I was mentally exhausted. I had to think of a solutions to get round the problem, one option was buying a new amp, or finding a pre-amp that would do the job.

I opted for the pre-amp, so ordered something from Amazon, hoping that would work, nothing is ever straight forward here.

Kelli had gone Christmas shopping with Brenda, Matt’s wife, so he and I went up to Georgia’s house to do some woodworking stuff.

Matt gave me a drawing of a robin that he wanted me to cut out of wood. It was quite small, it would have been better if he had caught a real one and drawn round it, but I did what I could.

I found some thin pieces of cedar and transferred the image on to it.

I started up the scroll saw, and carefully cut it out keeping all my fingers attached.

Matt’s plan was to paint them and attaching them to Christmas presents, so he was pleased how they turned out.

18th December 2019

The highlight of the day was the arrival of new filters for our kitchen compost collector.

This has changed the way we dispose of our rubbish.

The wheelie bin hardly has anything for the dustmen to collect. There is a scrabble around to find rubbish to throw away. This could be an excellent opportunity to get rid of the televisions we have stored in the shed, if Kelli would let me.

The compost festers quietly in the corner of the garden, it’s one of the most visited places in the garden, apart from the dog bog.

I have been priming the panels of the TV cabinet. It takes ages, and the primer ( the best you can buy!) is so thin, it needs three coats to cover anything.

The POS cabinet has been primed and ready for the finish coat. There is so much filler in it the weight has nearly doubled.

I watched the impeachment proceedings on my iPad, this is such a controversial subject, I needed to educate myself.

Having worked with a number of Americans I was always struck by their ability to avoid admitting mistakes. Even with things that were obviously bad, and I pointed them out many times, they lumbered on until something broke.

They live in a world of collective responsibility where not one person is to blame.

Watching what was being broadcast was jaw-dropping, I have never seen so many dumb twats in one place, all following the thickest twat to have ever been voted president.

17th December 2019

We dragged both the furniture pieces into the living room to photograph. We have been using the same area as our backdrop, and we’ve had a lot of “likes” on our mural rather than our furniture.

I worked on a TV unit by dismantling it in order to paint it easier. The top was stripped of its finish, yet again my contribution has been sanding, getting covered in bloody sawdust.

I bet Charles Eames didn’t have to sand tops all day.

Kelli finally got her cheque for November sales, the total was higher than I had listed in my spreadsheet, enough for an extra bag of chips.

I miss English chips, these American “French fries” are pretty shitty. They are like eating sticks, covered in cheese or salt. There is nothing like sinking teeth into a proper chip. You feel like its part of the meal, especially the crinkle ones, there is the body of real potato, with a crunch to break the outer case. The ones over here just crunch and that’s it.

I will make some real chips (when I’ve finished all the sanding) and show America what the real thing is.

16th December 2019

I got into stripping the paint of the new dresser. Thank god for the heat gun, it was a bitch of a thing to to do. It took me many hours to get it somewhere handy to sand.

Just for a change I did some filling to the POS unit, talk about polishing a turd.

I cut up some timber that I took from Dave’s garage to make a new base for it, anything to improve the thing.

I had to spray up some knobs to the tall dresser that Kelli had finished.

In the evening we are continuing to watch all the British Bake-off shows, I am getting so used to short bread, flaky pastry and fondant whips that I now have urges to fondle everything that Kelli bakes, with a critical eye, looking at moistness and texture. It has such an effect on me that I am constantly hungry.

I often dream about being trapped inside a Cornish pasty and having to eat my way out, with a bit of luck I’ll have the same dream tonight.

To make the day start correctly, I had the best breakfast of savoury muffins and vegan banger, perfect.

15th December 2019

We started the day with a fresh burst of Yoga.

With all the disruption of the past weeks we let it slip.

For me it was like starting from scratch, my joints creaked like an old schooner, and inevitably, the stifled gas reserves made it’s presence known with a barrage of unflattering bursts, that not only shocked my wife, but also scared the dogs.

I immediately blamed the food, all those beans were a breeding ground for flatulence, and when under extreme physical strain, I could not really be held responsible.

We had a fruitless trip to the store to collect the cheque for last months sales. Because the status changing from booth to consignment from December, it screwed up the system, so there was nothing for us. We would have to wait till later in the week, Kelli was not amused.

I got on with staining some tops whilst Kelli painted the tall dresser, out cottage industry was starting to turn, there were two items nearing completion, and a few in the garage being worked on.

14th December 2019

It was back to the garage, and loading up the last repainted dresser. We had offered to deliver it to the customer in Zeeland. Not only did we need the space, the money was useful as well.

It was a heavy beast, as they often are, but we carefully loaded it, and set off for God’s country.

We stopped off at Kelli’s mum to check how she was doing, and making sure she was stocked up on her protein drinks.

Once we were home Kelli decided to make some savoury muffins, these are my favourites, so I waited in eager expectation.

I knew we were in for some serious baking as she got out every possible cooking measuring device she had. The worktop was littered with cups, spoons, bowls and whisks. Then came the ingredients, and a lot of intensive mixing.

When I came back into the house from the garage the smell was amazing.

The oven door was opened and two trays of heaven emerged. One tray had four large muffins and the other tray had six smaller. I asked if there were other trays still in the oven,

“ No, just these” was the reply. Now in real terms these would have been scoffed down in about a minute and a half. It would have been easier if the mixture was just poured into my open mouth, that would have saved a lot of cooking time.

13th December 2019

The weather was a little milder today encouraging me to fix the outside Christmas lights. Some of them failed about a week after they were installed.

There were about fifty of the hundred lamps that failed, so somewhere in those fifty was the duff one.

I started to remove them one by one, and got about half way before one broke as I removed it. This was promising, so I fitted a new one then had to refit all the others before I would know that they would all illuminate. As the last lamp was pushed into its housing the string there was light. I felt like I had invented something, Blackpool illuminations was back in business.

We drove to Zeeland to pick up a dresser Kelli had spotted on Marketplace. The lady lived in a glorified trailer park, or caravan site as we would call it.

The piece was bright pink, but pretty solid, so with a little work it could be quite good.

There are some that instantly have a cool look and others look simple, until I start to get into it and find the difficulties.

As soon as I got back I checked out the top. It had been painted with a primer as hard as nails. “Oh goody, more hard sanding”.

I started to prime the POS cabinet, this is in the same vain as Fido’s coffin that I transformed a couple of years ago.

These are labours of love for me, and although I can never get my hours back, I’m just a glutton for punishment.

12th December 2019

I think I have spent more time visiting Holland hospital than any in the UK, and I notched up another this evening.

We had a different day than we usually have by doing some Christmas shopping down in the town. Of course we picked up a dresser, and did a Goodwill run as well, and dropped in to see how Kelli’s mum was doing.

I did a bit more sorting in the basement whilst Kelli was doing stuff upstairs.

I was looking forward to a quiet evening, a hot shower and a coffee.

Later in the evening Kelli received a text from her mother, so she had to go and see what the problem was.

An hour or so later Kelli called me to say that her mother had been taken to hospital because she had come over a bit shaky, and as a precaution the emergency services were called. Often the first to arrive is the fire engine with it’s lights flashing to alert the neighbours and get them looking out their windows. There is nothing subtle about their arrival. Then the paramedics turn up with more flashing lights just to make the spectacle complete. Thankfully I was not there for that performance, but Kelli called me to let me know the latest saga.

I hurriedly changed into some warm clothes and waited for Kelli to return so that we could both go to A&E.

It was past 10.00pm when we got there, Georgia was in room seven surrounded by medical staff and monitoring equipment.

Within just over an hour the panic was over, she was discharged, so we drove her back home.

After making sure she was tucked up in bed we drove back to our place, our heads buzzing with all the excitement, certainly not ready for sleep.