Another Lifetime to go

15th September 2019

Another Airbnb booking came in for next weekend. Panic stations, are we ready? Where the heck am I going to stay? Luckily Nicola came to the rescue.

I sat with Louise to make a list of outstanding things I need to do, like a roller blind in the bedroom, one of the reasons why I wake up at 5.30am every morning.

The important thing was to clear the rubbish from the slope at the bottom of the garden.

I can’t believe it has happened so fast, even without any feedback, people are booking from just the description and a few pictures.

I managed to sell my B&W speakers to a friend of Ryan, these had been in storage for years, so I’m glad that they have a new home at last.

14th September 2019

I was up early to help Louise take her furniture to Trowbridge Weavers Market. This happens once a month, and it has been quite successful for her the past few months.

The weather was warm and sunny, and perfect for the open air event.

We got all the pieces in two cars and headed off to set up the pitch.

It was the first time I had been there, so I took the chance to look around and even bought a Swiss cheese plant for the cottage.

I got back and decided to make more wooden bunting pieces that Louise wanted for decorations.

This is when I realised how thick I am sometimes.

I made some smaller pieces a couple of weeks ago. I cut up a load of pallet strips that I had “in stock” and made a jig to put on my chop saw to cut the correct angle, it took a long time, and led to a load of off cuts.

This time, after thinking about it for a few minutes, it led me to setting the saw at twenty two and a half degrees, cutting it in one direction then flipping it over and cutting in the other, so a perfect forty-five degrees, and no waste,and done in ten minutes.

I even had time to make a pallet wood planter for my new plant.

Midway through the afternoon I had to return to the market to help pack up and bring back what hadn’t sold.

Louise was a little disappointed at not selling more, but that’s what happens, there’s no pattern, some you win.

The day was improved when we had our second AirB&B booking for the cottage for the weekend at the end of the month.

13th September 2019

Today is a day for doing nothing, not something I like to admit, but some days I am uninspired.

After my first cup of coffee I decided to clean the lawnmower and put it on Marketplace to sell.

It had been a while since there was any grass to cut, so what was there was dried on hard.

A bit of elbow grease and a bit of car dashboard shine and it looked pretty decent.

I took some pictures and waited.

It took only a few minutes for the “views” to start, and then in the evening the questions started.

By 10.00pm it was pending, and due for pick-up Monday, so even more space in the shed.

My old school chum Rob came over, so we walked into the town to the Ale, cider and Curry pub for something spicy, and boy was that hot. Because of the subdued lighting we both bit into a pepper thinking it was a French bean. What followed was Rob doing an impression of me trying to talk, and me trying to do an impression of him trying to talk.

All that came out of both of us were grunts, gasps and steam.

12th September 2019

The last fixing went through the wood strip and the log store structure was complete.

The last part was fitting a roof. I had decided to use feather edged boards, something I was not familiar with. I opened the pack and spent a while staring at the pieces wondering how the heck they fitted. I tried it one way with the tapered edge at the bottom, however when I placed the next piece on top the angle of the roof changed dramatically. This couldn’t be right.

In desperation I reached for the oracle, YouTube.

I came across this old guy who was explaining how it was done. He droned on about the different types of cladding, feather, square edge, five inch, six inch, and on.

Twenty minutes in I was asleep, I woke up with a start, realising I had missed the important part, which meant running it back and rewatching it. When he got to the point of defining the calculation for a cubic foot of timber I gave up again.

I went back to my log store structure and turned the feather board around with the thick edge at the bottom, bingo! That was how they were oriented.

A few minutes later everything was finished, I was now looking at a complete log-less log store.

I finally managed to sell the old composter to someone on Marketplace, I only got £5 for it, but at least I didn’t have to take it to the dump.

The girl turned up in a Nissan Leaf, and I couldn’t help thinking that I was only going to get a fiver for something I had advertised originally for twenty. Was she only interested in it because it was a fiver? I was hearing “tight ass, tight ass” going around my head, and as she handed me the money, I smiled, gritting my teeth.

It reminded me of a time in Holland when Kelli and I went to pick up a furniture piece. It was advertised at twenty five dollars, but we made an offer of twenty, and the lady said no. As a final response we offeredtwenty two, as that was all the cash we had on us, she accepted that, a difference of two frikkin’ dollars. No wonder she squeaked when she walked back into her house.

I had a wonderful evening with Jeanine and Mark listening to stories of discreetly trying to collecting sunflowers in Bavaria, and recollections of gaping green shorts from Mark’s childhood made me chuckle all the way home.

We all carry amusing stories around with us, and it’s great to be able to share them, as long as we are brave enough to admit to them.

11th September 2019

I continued work on my log store, dodging the rain, checking the weather on my phone, no rain, shaking my fist towards the sky.

This means I have to turn off power to my extension cable, carry the saw back into the shed, and run back to the house. Then it stops, and I check my phone again. It says no rain, but now I don’t believe it, so I go outside and check the sky. It is bright blue sky and warm, so I start getting the tools out again.

The structure of the log store is complete, but I need timber to complete the cladding.

So off to Wickes again for supplies. Whilst there I witnessed the worse case of workman’s crack I have ever seen. It was so bad that the wind whistling over it sounding like a moose mating call.

There should be a polite way of letting the person know what they are displaying. I think a red flag that can be placed into the crack darkness might work.

I met up with the gang at the Mint Room for another wonderful Indian meal. The evening was spoilt by a loud mouthed drunken Londoner.

In America this would be a typical red-necked Trump supporter, where the brain cell he had was stored down the crack of his arse.

10th September 2019

I needed a hair cut, but according to Kelli I needed one weeks ago. It wasn’t exactly down by my knees, but not easy to style. So I rang my regular guy and agreed a time in the afternoon.

This gave me enough time to finish the privacy screen and cut timber for the log store,

I walked up the road to the bus stop, and waited a few minutes or it to arrive.

I’m getting used to this mode of transport, and it doesn’t bother me that it gets full of people of similar age. I did notice that most of the people getting on were using their bus passes. The journey in to Bath was marred by an old guy who had a hacking cough, so loud that the windows rattled. It was a death cough if ever I heard it, so I looked around to see if the bus had a defibrillator. It didn’t, so I guess the driver would just open the door and chuck him out.

I arrived at Hair Connections, and Mike was pleased to see me. He open up a bottle of Prosecco, and after two glasses I didn’t care what my hair looked like, although he didn’t have a lot to work with to start with.

I’m always amused with hairdressers, and whether they actually cut much off rather than just moving it about, but I think he did a good job, I certainly felt a bit light headed, although the wine didn’t help.

Back at the bus station, I overheard some older people talking. They kept mentioning “The good old days” when things were this and that. I hope I never fall into that trap, I don’t believe those days were better, just different. I accept that petrol was fifty pence a gallon, but I was earning ten quid a week. The cars we drove weren’t very good. Motoring was a race to between the engines blowing up or the body rusting away, that’s why you joined the AA or RAC, just so you could get home. I used to drive to work with a trolley jack and full tool box in the boot. Many a time when I had to do repairs on the side of the road, there is not that uncertainty today.

It is true that younger people are more fixated by social media and smart phones. They have no friends, they don’t go out, the only excise they get is going to the toilet, and they eat shit. The “Good old days” had three television channels, now there are hundreds, but “Dads Army” is still shown on them.

So to hear people talk that way makes me smile, I enjoyed my generation, it was significant, and I have traveled this road, picking up new technology and making it work for me. I have gained experience that no-one will ever ask me for, and for everything new I have learnt, I’ve forgotten something old, which usually means my bloody password.

9th September 2019

I fixed the last of the trim pieces to the privacy screen, I concluded it wasn’t a fence because it wasn’t solid. I wanted it this way, the neighbours weren’t bothered, as I was doing it, and they weren’t paying for it, they went along with my design.

I’m not sure they fully grasped the concept of my off-set slatted privacy screen. I am waiting for them to comment, that in order for the screen to act like a solid fence they have to remain perfectly still, and look straight at the slats, they dare’t move their heads, even a few millimetres otherwise they would look straight through the gaps and maybe see me scratching my arse.

Walking up the path would be like a flicker book that replicates the movement of a cartoon. I don’t know what the effect would be if they’re walking up their path and I’m walking down mine, maybe some strobe like phenomena causing both of us to have an epileptic episode.

8th September 2019

Finished off the neighbours side of the screen, then went off to meet up with Damian, and to play with the little darlings.

I have made the journey so many times, I almost go on automatic. I used to enjoy using the Jag, but it was hard to keep to the speed limits, and other drivers always tried to goad me to go faster. In the Shogun it is quite different, I am almost invisible, just one of many silver vehicles on the road, and, it keeps me driving at the correct speed.

7th September 2019

I made a start on the privacy screen between me, and my neighbour. An early trip to Wickes ensured that I had all the materials I needed to do the job. The positions of the posts were already determined by existing holes, so it was just a matter of making them fit properly.

I wanted the fence to have the same appearance each side, so I went with offset vertical strips, allowing a view through at certain angles.

I set out the position of the main horizontal beam and marked everything out for the through mortises on the posts.

This was when I realised the pieces of timber I had were too short. Now most skilled people would have established that from the start, but not me. For some obscure reason I measured between the posts and not from the outside to outside, Dickhead!

Another trip to Wickes ensued.

I cut the tenons and assembled them with a sledge hammer(it was all I had).

I built the rest of the frame and carried it to the place on the low wall.

With a bit of effort and the sledge I got it into position.

Luckily the neighbours were away, so I was able to clamber into their garden to begin fixing the vertical slats.

I kept working until it got dark, but once I stopped, I stiffened up, like one of those festering old gits I used to make fun of.

With where the workmate was, and the number of trips up and down the garden path to cut wood, I guess I must have walked a few miles.

But it was starting to look good.

By the time I had finished I was looking forward to having some food, that was the time Kelli rang for a chat. My tummy was rumbling, and she was munching, which made me hungrier. Eventually I had to tell her that I needed sustenance, and threw something in the oven quickly.

I fell asleep watching a bit of television, and woke up just in time to go to bed, sad.

6th September 2019

I needed a different space, I’ve been looking at the same things for days, I needed to get out, so I took the oldie’s bus to Bath.

The day was not great, but I was dressed for any eventuality. That was tested as soon as I got off the bus. I went to open my umbrella, and immediately it was blown inside out, the fine cotton threads attaching the fabric to the frame snapped. It is a sad sight to see when it happens to anyone else, but totally tragic when it happens to me.

Fortunately the rain didn’t last long, so the fight with the flapping fabric was short lived. As I walked up through the town from the bus station there were these individuals strategically positioned up the street ready to spring on any unsuspecting individual innocently stopping to answer some of their questions.

I have learnt to spot these people, usually young men and women with clipboard. It is fatal to make eye contact as they sense your vulnerability. I send out waves of hate ahead of me, that usually clears a path.

Once that hurdle has been achieved I can enjoy my day out.

I made my way to the post office only to find it closed, and redirected to an area I had just walked from. I also needed a new saucepan, I have managed with one for quite a while, but decided that it is more normal to boil things at the same time, rather than one at a time.

Then I had to remember which size I already had, they all look different hanging on the rail, and is it normal to have several pans the same size, or should they be different?

I stood there for a while just looking at the different pans, transfixed, in a coma-like condition. I could have stayed there all day, but I made my decision and chose a larger one, now I can cook a large can of baked bean in one go.

I went into Paperchase, to look around. I love paper, writing pads and journals, I have so many of them already, but there is something about a new note book that lures me into the place. I resisted, and as I left there was a downpour, furiously I fought with my flap of cloth to protect me, fortunately it stayed up for the minute or so that the shower lasted.

I had lunch in the Chapel cafe, my treat for endure the bus journey.

I headed back to the bus station to join the hordes of grey topped people waiting for their transportation.

This is an amazing perk, and although I mock it, I appreciate what it gives to older people, I can’t wait to get old myself.