Day 1335 Witches brew?

7th April 2021

I had to leave the house early to collect a herbal remedy for Kelli. The air was cool, the smell reminded me of being on holiday. It was also reminiscent of driving to the Design Yard all those years ago.

I managed to get stuck behind a truck with a young kid strapped to the back who’s job it was to pick up the cones in the middle of the road. The city had been out painting the lines down the centre of the road, and I was lucky enough to be behind it. I could not overtake so I left space in case he missed one, then I could nudge it up in the air and knock it back into the truck. I was urging him to miss one but he didn’t so I will never know if I could have scored the goal.

It had not been a good night for both of us. For Kelli it was another sleepless night, but for me it was okay, but the deep, dreamless sleep was not there.

I am frustrated that all the herbal stuff she’s taking doesn’t seem to be making any difference.

“Oh it takes time” is all I hear, “ you will notice some difference in two weeks” is another.

I cannot shake off this feeling that all this is crap.

I feel helpless that I cannot help her sleep, you’d think it would be the easiest thing in the world, like breathing, you don’t have to think about that, it’s automatic. So sometimes I’m not the most supportive person to be around.

We made a deal when we got married, that I would find a place to live, and she would keep me alive.

Now I hear her talk about not wanting to be alive anymore, even in my sickest time bedridden with the flu, I knew I would get better, it took time but I was leaving it all to my body to sort out. With Kelli it is different, she is not in control, we’ve been told it is an adrenal problem, so we’re following this strict pathway of herbal therapy, but her feeling of helplessness does not ease.

I keep myself busy but working on furniture projects and tidying up the garden. All the plans about growing flowers and vegetables may have to be reduced for this year.